I spent years struggling of how to express myself. Angry, happy, confused, sarcastic. You name it, I’ve tried it. The thing is, I have hundreds of emotions running through my body and not enough time to understand it all. Simply because I kept myself busy, moving on – technically hiding. Pushing it all to the back of my mind, maybe it wasn’t the right way to go, but it worked for a while.
Lots of things keep me comfortable, whether it’s a love life, a relaxed environment, sport or work. But that didn’t necessarily keep my brain thoroughly comfortable and I knew that, I just never addressed it. Until I cracked, I finally hit solid ‘rock bottom’ there was absolutely no way I could get any lower than I was. I lost my comfort zone and was searching left right and centre to be back in that spot. When all I needed was comfort in myself again. That was it.
I studied myself for a while. My actions, my day to day actions and wrote done every single strong thought, and how many times it came into my head. Sometimes them thoughts reached double digits a day, but I kept it controlled. My brain was being controlled at last and I was confident in myself I could keep it controlled and that nothing would really stop that. I focused on my fitness, my hobbies, writing and work. Whilst keeping a very strong balance of socialising with my friends and loved ones. There was always a way to keep my mind going. I just needed the drive inside of me.
Once I knew I had figured it out, I kept it going. Even now, today, I keep myself going. It doesn’t come naturally yet, but that’s why I taught myself the way to do it, the way I’m comfortable with. Comfort in myself was the key, the question was how. I answered that question, built the bridged and walked over it.